


Kundiman.

by sapaglisan



Category: SEVENTEEN - Fandom
Genre: Angst, CEO!joshua, College Life, Hong Jisoo | Joshua & Yoon Jeonghan Are Best Friends, Lawyer!Jeonghan, M/M, Student Hong Jisoo | Joshua, University Students, college students!jihan, medyo fluff, polsci student!jeonghan
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:08:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27853094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapaglisan/pseuds/sapaglisan
Summary: masaya naman si jeonghan sa one-sided love magmula palang, ang hindi nya lang matanggap— mas masakit pala talagang malaman na may pag-asa naman talaga sila, ang kaso nga lang kung bakit hindi kayang magreciprocrate ni joshua, ay dahil rin naman pala sakanya.
Relationships: Friendship - Relationship, best friends - Relationship, career and love, complicated
Kudos: 2





	Kundiman.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! since i am jihan deprived ay nagpadesisyunan kong magsulat ng jihan one shot; ang kaso nga lang feel na feel kong magsulat ng kadramahan dahil sa lamig ng panahon at sa playlist na ginawa ko hehe. inspired by silent sanctuary's kundiman (obv title palang lol) happy reading mga bhie!

tahimik na isinilid ni jeonghan ang huling damit na kailangan nyang isalansan sa kanyang maleta. pinagmasdan nya ang kabuuan ng kanyang kwarto, binaybay ng tingin ang bawat sulok, ang kama, ang mga medalya na nakasabit, mga mangilan-ngilan na paintings at ang mga litrato na malapit sa puso ni jeonghan.

lumapit sya sa bed side table nya’t kinuha ang picture frame na naglalaman ng litrato nilang dalawa ng kanyang long-time best friend magmula pa high school years nila hanggang ngayong adulthood stage nila. it was a photo of them nung birthday ni joshua, na mismong araw rin nya nalaman na walang pag-asa, na one-sided lang ang kalalabasan.

jeonghan cant help but to smile bitterly habang may luha na tumakas sa kanyang mata with the fact na aalis sya paalis ng ibang bansa habang walang kaalam-alam ang best friend nya rito.

nakakaguilty lang dahil of all people, si joshua na mahalaga sakanya ang hindi nakakaalam sa pag-alis nya.

and so he dialed his phone to call his best friend. it was already 8:35 pm, sure naman sya na hindi pa tulog si joshua at may ginagawa pa ito na school related stuffs.

agad naman sumagot ang kabilang linya na ikinatuwa ni jeonghan,

_“hello?”_

it was just a simple hello from him pero it became his trigger to finally cry silently. jeonghan picked up all of his courage to talk without stuttering,

“hi shuji, what are you doing tonight?”

_“i just finished proofreading my analysis paper for a minor sub and i’m about to binge-watch spongebob squarepants! why did you ask, hannie?”_

joshua’s sweet and calm voice was one of the reasons why he really loves him. natural na malambing ang boses nito na paboritong pakinggan ni jeonghan. kumbaga, ang iba ASMR ang pinapakinggan upang makatulog, malibang o makalma, sya naman ay si joshua lang ang pinapakinggan at gustong pakinggan.

he steal a glance at the clock one more time. _i still have time._

“let’s drive around and watch the city lights tonight.” he said, hoping na papayag si joshua.

the younger beamed at him, _“omg, okay! i’ll wait for you hannie! busina ka nalang if you’re here na ha?”_ jeonghan cant contain his laugh, sobrang cute ng pagiging conyo ni joshua. normally ay naiirita sya ganon, pero wala eh— lahat naman ng mga bagay na ginagawa ni joshua mahal na mahal nya.

“okay po, see you later shuji ko.”

_“see you, hannie! drive safely, i love you!”_

call ended.

kung siguro hindi alam ni jeonghan na may boundary sya ay baka kinilig na sya sa sinabi ng kaibigan, kaso nga alam na alam nya na hanggang pagiging best friend lang sya. hanggang dun lang.

bago isara ni jeonghan ang pinto ng kanyang apartment ay tinitigan nya muna ito. matagal-tagal rin syang mawawala, ni hindi nya rin alam kung kelan sya babalik o kung may balak pa ba syang bumalik.

sudden flashbacks flooded his mind. from the petty fights they have, the heart-warming cuddles they had, the sleepless nights they shared while doing their respective school works, from countless comforts because of academic breakdowns— all of it happen in his apartment.

wala rin naman syang balak ibenta ang apartment nya dahil sa memories na meron sila ni joshua dito. eto nalang ang pinanghahawakan nya sa kabila ng lahat.

pinindot na nya ang switch ng ilaw at inilock ang pinto, kasabay nang unti-unti nyang paglisan mula sa piling nang minamahal.

//

bumusina si jeonghan pagkarating nya sa tapat ng bahay ni joshua. agad rin naman ito lumabas na ikinatuwa ni jeonghan.

malawak ang ngiti nito sa kanyang labi na nagpasaya sa puso nya. ang aliwalas ng itsura nito kapag nakangiti na umaabot hanggang tenga at sa kanyang mga mata.

pagkapasok ni joshua sa kotse ng nakatatanda ay agad nyang hinila ito at niyakap. nature ni joshua ang pagiging clingy at pagkakaroon ng hilig sa skinship. alam naman ni jeonghan na wala itong malisya dahil likas na malambing ang kaibigan.

“im sorry if palagi akong busy noong nakaraang week, super dami kong tinatapos na paper works and readings. i wanted to contact you pero i dont want to be distracted eh.” sambit ni joshua.

ngumiti si jeonghan, naiintindihan naman nya. alam ni joshua ang priorities nya at natutuwa sya dahil dito. kahit kelan ayaw nya maging sagabal sa pag-abot ng mga pangarap ni joshua, palagi lang syang nandyan na nakasuporta, naghihintay at naka-abang kung kelan man sya kakailanganin ng kaibigan.

jeonghan rev his car engine and drove off.

the car ride wasn’t that dull and boring kahit may sudden silence na nagaganap sakanila after mag-usap. sanay na sila sa presensya ng isa’t isa at nagkakaintindihan sila kahit sa ganito lang.

paminsan-minsan magkkwento si joshua ng mga kaganapan na nangyare noong madalang lang sila magkita ni jeonghan dahil pareho silang busy, makikinig si jeonghan ng taimtim at paminsan-minsan tatawa kapag hindi napipigilan ng nakababata ang pagiging conyo.

“i was really mad with my partner sa isang minor sub, you know naman na ayoko sa mga _dumbbell_ na group mates right? but gosh! ibang klase sya!” pag-aalburoto ni joshua.

“did you try to talk to your partner? para naman aware sya sa nararamdaman mo lalo pa’t partners kayo. mahirap magwork together kapag walang maayos na communication, shuji.” pangaral ni jeonghan.

unknowingly, joshua shrugged his shoulders, tumawa pa ito na parang labas pa sa ilong, na para bang sarkastiko pa.

kung lahat-lahat mahal ni jeonghan tungkol kay joshua, may isang bagay lang syang ayaw nya rito; he doesn’t communicate well. kung may dapat pag-usapan, iiwas lang sya, tatahimik, magpapanggap na parang ok ang lahat hanggang sa back to normal na ulit.

hindi vocal si joshua, he struggles to communicate with others kahit pa kay jeonghan na sarili nyang best friend. ayaw nya rin ng confrontations, he’s scared to not express what he really want to say and get misunderstood.

“promise me you’ll try to be vocal na with what you feel, ha? if you find it difficult to talk, then dahan-dahan lang hanggang sa kayanin mo na.”

joshua creased his forehead and faced jeonghan, “why are you suddenly being like this? you sounded like you’re leaving me anytime soon.”

hindi nagsalita si jeonghan, natatakot na baka bigla syang maiyak at piliin na magstay na lang kahit hindi maaari.

marahan na hinampas nj joshua si jeonghan, “jeonghan naman eh! please talk nga! i hate it when you’re silent, i feel like you’re up with something that will upset me.”

jeonghan became more guilty as ever, because joshua’s right.

he’ll be leaving him that will surely upset him.

//

“what’s your plan after college?” joshua asked while facing the busy city and watching the amusing city lights they both like.

“just the same, after studying polsci, i’ll try to find a job at a law firm and work for a year then i’ll proceed to law school. after graduating, i’ll build my own law firm and just do what my heart desires. how about you, shuji?”

joshua stretched his arms and felt the cold night breeze gently caressing his skin, he then lay his back from the car’s hood to face the dark skies filled with stars. jeonghan also did the same, he put his one arm below joshua’s neck to serve as his pillow.

“just like what my original plan, after studying business, i’ll find a job at my uncle’s company and work there for a year or two? then i’ll establish my own company and be the coolest and gwapo CEO ever! after achieving all of those, i’ll guess i’m gonna start my own family na rin.”

_i want a family too.. only if it’s with you._

“you’ll achieve all of those in no time, my shuji. i assure you, you’re the smartest and hard working man i’ve ever met eh.”

joshua felt like there is something wrong going on with his best friend. nilingon nya ito at kita nya ang pagpatak ng luha nito na agad ikinaalarma ng nakababata. “hannie, what’s wrong? why are you crying?”

umayos ng upo si joshua at hinila si jeonghan upang maigaya ito sakanya’t mapunasan ang mga luha na walang tigil sa pagpatak. the younger cupped his face, “tell me hannie, what’s wrong?”

jeonghan smiled, he still gave his best friend a smile kahit sobrang nasasaktan na ito ng sobra, na kung pwede lang umalis nalang sya’t magpakalayo-layo. pero hindi nya magawa kase tangina si joshua to eh, yung pinaka mamahal nya.

“i swear to God jeonghan if you’ll not tell me what’s wrong i-”

“i’ll be leaving.”

joshua stopped and looked at jeonghan who lowered his head, afraid of what will be joshua’s reaction.

“you’re what?”

joshua felt empty the moment he heard that jeonghan will be leaving. hindi man malinaw at kulang sa context ay parang alam na nya agad at sobrang sakit na.

“i’ll be leaving.. i’ll continue my studies at the states.”

nakakabinging katahimikan ang bumalot sakanilang dalawa. natatakot si jeonghan na tumingin kay joshua kaya nanatili syang nakayuko at marahan na umiiyak. sya na nga yung aalis at mangingibang bansa pero sya pa tong nag-aalala para kay joshua.

“kelan ka aalis?” joshua finally spoke after a long silence, breaking the deafening silence between them.

jeonghan gathered up all of his courage, kung may natitira pa man, and finally look at the younger beside him. “mamaya.. 10pm.” he shortly answered na syang nagpaiyak na nang tuluyan kay joshua.

“tangina naman.” joshua cursed while sobbing. he covered his face with both of his hands, jeonghan tried to comfort him but he’s afraid that joshua will just shoo him away.

“..i’m you’re best friend for fuck’s sake, jeonghan! you know that of all people, you’re the last person i dont want to lose! i honestly dont have anything against you leaving to study abroad, but ano ba naman yung sabihin mo sakin agad diba? bakit kailangan kung kelan wala nang oras para magpaalam?”

aaminin ni jeonghan, maling-mali sya sa part na nilihim nya kay joshua ang pag-alis nya. pero wala eh, natakot sya na baka imbis na umalis sya ay mas lalo lang syang manatili rito sa piling ni joshua.

isang oportunidad para kay jeonghan ang mag-aral abroad, he cant afford to lose the chance dahil once in a lifetime lang ang ganitong mga bagay. him being the son and grandson of the two widely-known lawyers in the country, from family of lawyers, sobrang daming pressure ang nakapatong sakanya.

from his grandfather, dad, uncles, aunts and cousins, sobrang maraming expectations ang meron sakanya. he doesn’t have time to goof around, spend his nights drinking and partying and even committing himself in a relationship. joshua knows all of this, and he knows how much jeonghan wanted to succeed and be one of the greatest lawyers just like his family members.

“i’m sorry for keeping it to you, i was really scared to tell you na aalis ako’t iiwan ka kase kahit ako hindi ko masabi’t maisip na iiwan kita.. kase tangina kung ako lang din naman, kung wala akong pangarap na gustong tuparin hindi kita iiwan.” jeonghan admitted.

“kahit sobrang sakit na manatili sa tabi mo, gustong-gusto ko parin kase tangina mahal na mahal kita eh.. kaso alam mo naman na mas pipiliin ko ang pangarap ko sa kabila ng lahat.” pagpapatuloy nya pa.

“fuck, i dont have any intentions to confess all of it tonight but here goes nothing..” huminga ng malalim si jeonghan bago magpatuloy.

“i have loved you since we were still in high school, akala ko simpleng crush lang to but heck i was wrong! it was deep and i cant even save myself from falling. hulog na hulog na ko sayo, and supposedly magcconfess ako sayo noong birthday mo before tayo maging college freshmen, but i got scared noong sinabi mo na ayaw mo kong mawala, na ayaw mong humigit pa sa pagkakaibigan ang meron sating dalawa. naiintindihan ko naman, i also dont want to lose you kase ikaw lang yung pinanghahawakan ko, yung rason ko para magpatuloy kahit ang bigat-bigat na ng lahat at gusto ko na sumuko.. masaya naman ako kahit one-sided lang ‘to kase nandyan ka eh, tama na sakin yung ganito lang kahit sobrang sakit na.”

aware naman si joshua na gusto sya ni jeonghan, hindi naman ganon katanga si joshua para hindi maramdaman ito sa mga simpleng gestures ni jeonghan at sa kung pano nya ito iparamdam.. pero sayang lang dahil hindi ganon si jeonghan.

kung gaano ka-observant si joshua ay sya namang ikina-dense ni jeonghan.

mapait na ngumiti si joshua, “you really think hindi ko alam? God jeonghan, hindi ako tanga. we’ve been friends since God knows how long and you really just thought na one-sided lang to?” tila ba napantig ang tenga ni jeonghan sa narinig, he faced the younger and creased his forehead,

“what do you mean, shuji?”

“yan! sobrang dense mo jeonghan! hindi mo man lang maramdaman na mahal kita na sobra pa sa pagiging kaibigan! the touches, the simple i love you’s i’ll say whenever there’s a chance, the efforts i’d make for you— hindi mo yon mapansin! tangina jeonghan, i’ve been in love with you since the day i saw you noong grade 10 tayo.. it has been always you, jeonghan.”

“you cant blame me, shuji.. it’s your nature so i thought na wala yung malisya.”

“did you ever saw me cuddling with my other friends? did you saw me kissing them at random times? did you ever saw me looking at them like how i look at you as if you’re my whole world? diba hindi naman? kase sayo lang ako ganito, hannie.”

mas lalong naiyak si jeonghan knowing na all this time, may pag-asa naman pala sila.. ang kaso nga lang, nagkakapaan sila sa dilim.

“then why didn’t you told me?”

“ayokong makasagabal sa pag-abot ng mga pangarap mo, hannie. from the start, alam ko na mas pipiliin mo ang career kesa sakin, mas pipiliin mo ang pangarap mo kesa makasama ako. kahit alam ko na may chance na mas piliin mo ako, hindi ko parin piniling sabihin sayo kase paano nga kung masaya ka sakin, pero paano naman yung pangarap mo? kaya i decided to love you silently kahit masakit. there were days na gustong-gusto ko na umamin sayo kase hindi ko na kaya itago pa pero sa tuwing magkakaron ako ng lakas ng loob na umamin, biglang sasagi sa isip ko na ayaw mo ng commitment, na hindi mo pa kayang magmahal dahil masyado kang focused mahalin ang pangarap mo na wala kang oras magbigay ng pagmamahal para sa iba... tangina jeonghan, anong laban ko don?"

hindi makaimik si jeonghan dahil tama rin naman lahat ng sinabi ni joshua. sobrang guilty kumbaga.

hindi na rin nagsalita si joshua pagkatapos at tahimik nalang na umiyak sa tabi ng kaibigan. 

marahan na hinawakan ni jeonghan ang kamay ng nakababata habang nakatitig sa kawalan, dinadamdam ang bawat segundo na lumilipas bago pa mahuli ang lahat.

"nagsisisi ka ba na hindi ka umamin?" tanong ni jeonghan.

ngumiti si joshua at umiling, "hindi, wala akong pinagsisisihan kung para rin naman sayo. kung umamin ako sayo, sa tingin mo ba mararating mo ang lahat ng 'to? masakit man pero para rin naman satin to. hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko kung mawawala ka sakin lalo na nung mga panahon na wala akong makapitan at tanging ikaw lang... eh ikaw? nagsisisi ka ba?"

kibit balikat na sumagot si jeonghan, "nasa pagitan ng oo at siguro."

ipinatong ni joshua ang kanyang ulo sa balikat ng nakatatanda, "sayo lang ako sigurado." sambit nito sabay nang pagpatak ng luha sa kanyang mga mata.

pumagitna ang katahimikan sa kanilang dalwa ngunit ninanamnam ang nalalabing oras na meron sila.

"handa ka bang maghintay?" tila bulong nalang itong tanong ni jeonghan pero nagulat sya nang tumango ang kaibigan.

"hindi ako mawawala sayo, nandito lang ako, patuloy kang hihintayin hanggang sa umayon na sating dalawa ang tadhana. hihintayin kita, mahal ko." 

hindi na napigilan ni jeonghan ang sarili't hinarap ang kaibigan, kinuha ang natitirang distansya nila't hinalikan ang nakababata.

halo-halong emosyon ang nadarama nilang dalwa, alam ni joshua na sobrang masaya sya at ganon rin ang kaibigan nya.

humiwalay si jeonghan at ipinagdikit ang kanilang mga noo habang ang kanyang mga kamay ay nasa magkabilang pisngi ng minamahal,

"babalik ako para sayo." 

tumango si joshua at marahan na tumawa, "i know naman.." sagot nito in his natural conyo self upang mabawasan ang bigat ng nadarama nilang dalawa. hindi naman nabigo si joshua't napatawa nito si jeonghan, sumilay ang ngiting naging dahilan upang mapukaw nito ang kanyang atensyon noong una nilang pagkikita.

"shuji.." 

"hmm?"

"paano kung- paano kung wala na tayong hinihintay?" 

"nasa sayo na yan kung paghihintayin mo ko sa wala, hannie.. basta ako nandito lang ako para sayo,"

"putangina shuji, it's you or never.. ikaw lang hanggang dulo."

muling hinalikan ni joshua ang kaibigan na syang malugod na sinabayan ng nakatatanda. mistulang huling paalam bago tuluyan nang umalis ang minamahal,

" _padayon hanggang dulo, mahal ko."_

**Author's Note:**

> hello ulit! salamat sa pagbabasa ng kadramahan na to <3 kitakits nalang ulit! anyways pls recommend some jihan/yoonhong fluff au's huhu tnx po <3


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